Catalyst
by The Almighty Mian
Summary: Everyone's transformational catalysts are missing, including Snow's beloved Trappy! THE HORROR. -oneshot-


TEEHEE

A random oneshot I thought of while planning the seventh chapter of "Let's Get Groyndin'".

You should check that out, too. It's awesome.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFXIII, because seriously, if I did, all of the guys would be bishies.

Not necessarily a good thing.

Onward we go!

* * *

><p>Lightning Farron hopped over some mossy rocks, the last steps of the natural staircase that was in their path.<p>

She walked toward a Save Point that looked oddly out of place in the verdant environment of Gran Pulse.

"Time to upgrade you, Lionheart," she muttered, lovingly taking her gunblade out of its holster.

"Hey, Light, w-wait!" Hope Estheim panted behind her. "I'm gonna upgrade... my Hawkeye, too..." then he collapsed. Again.

The rest of the l'Cie followed shortly (although they didn't collapse).

"Isn't it pretty, Fang?" Oerba Dia Vanille squealed, showing off another accessory.

"Yah, shoo, Vaneyl," Oerba Yun Fang replied inattentively. "Ah need tah upgrayd mah Taymin' Pole." *

Sazh Katzroy and Snow Villiers took out their respective weapons, then silently lined up behind Lightning.

"I guess we're all gonna be upgrading," Lightning said.

"Yup," Sazh said. "Ol' Sazh after you, Light."

"I better get started then, since you guys are gonna make a fuss over lining up."

"You bet, sis," Snow said with a wink.

"Oi! Oll oh yah ah jus' makin' stupid blabbah withat any apparent significuns, GOHD FOCKIN' DAMNIT!"

"Okay, okay, fine," Lightning said, going through her pouch.

"Oi! Whot's takin' so fockin' long?"

"Would it seriously hurt you to wait, you crazy a― _where the HELL is my Scarletite?_"

"Whot?"

"My Scarletite's missing!"

"But we just got it an hour ago!"

"I'm sure it was here!"

"Look again!"

"It's not _hereeeee!..._"

"Maybe you dropped it?"

"How could I have?"

"Well, yah did hop a lot, Loynin..."

"It couldn't have fallen, the pouch was still zipped shut!"

"What now?"

"I spent hours trying to find that!" Lightning wailed uncharacteristically.

"Don't worry, Light," Hope said, ever the synergist. "We'll just get another one."

"Well," Sazh interjected. "I guess it's my turn."

He went through his pouch, and shortly after began to yell.

"_YO! WHERE'S MY PEROVSKITE?_"

"Yours is missing, too?"

"Yeah!"

"Hold on a sec... _my Perovskite's missing, too!_"

"And my Trappy!"

"Yah whot?"

"My Trappy," Snow said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Whot thah fock ah yah tockin' abou'?"

"I call him Hedro sometimes too, if Trappy doesn't sound badass enough..."

"Whotevah, yah big woll oh blubbah! Mah catalyst's missin', too, Gohd fockin' damnit!"

"Calm down, guys!" Hope yelled. "Let's just buy some more, okay? We're at a Save Point, anyway."

"Yeah. I guess we could."

They entered the online retail store of The Motherlode, and were shocked to find that _all_ of the minerals were out of stock.

_And_ they had two gil left.

Hope's colossal eyes widened. "B-but..."

"_WE HAD A MILLION GIL!_" Lightning screamed, pulling at her hair.

"Loynin's lost it," Fang muttered.

"Well, she _does_ treat her Lionheart like her own child, so..." Snow muttered in response.

Vanille giggled just then, and they all turned toward her.

"Vaneyl! Whya yah gigglin'? Wey 'ave a croysis, yah fockin' moron!"

Vanille snapped out of her daydream (which involved flying rainbow chocobos for no adequately explored reason). "Whot? Oh, a croysis!" she squealed happily, fiddling absentmindedly with her new necklace. "How can I help?"

"Well, you can start with..." Hope trailed off, noticing the trinket.

"Hey, is... that a Perovskite?"

Vanille was startled at the random question. "Whot? This? Oh, yes!"

"Trappy!" Snow yelled, recognizing his long-lost friend.

"_THAT'S MY SCARLETITE, YOU F#$%*&G C#&T!_" Lightning roared, throwing herself at the small, dumbfounded redhead.

No one tried to stop her.

* * *

><p>NOW, BEFORE ANYONE FLAMES, I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR TO ALL OF YOU:<p>

**_I AM NOT HATING ON VANILLE._**

This fanfic was created purely for humorous purposes and did not intend any incriminating/libelous statements against any person or party.

(But, yeah, I did write this at the peak of my "STFU Vanille" stint. Damn can that girl squeal in-game)

I don't _hate_ Vanille, she's just really annoying during battle/ exploration/ cutscenes/ those times when Squeenix tries to make HopexVanille canon.

It's like _sooooo_ annoying.

And especially when people say 'it's normal because they're both kids, they can only count on each other, they're with a bunch of adults' BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

VANILLE'S EFFING 519 YEARS OLD.

The hell, it's not even pedophilia anymore, IT'S ARCHEOLOGY.

**I'm sorry I'm ranting, please don't send a flame!**

I actually kind of _like_ Vanille, despite the past ten or so sentences.

This is obviously a spin-off of Let's Get Groyndin'. o_O

Review, fave, my lovelies!

(If you put this on alert I will totally laugh at you.)

(No seriously.)

(There was this one guy who put one of my one-shots on alert.)

(Yeeeaaaaaah.)

*Gives me images of Taemin on a pole. Heehee...


End file.
